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Frustration "you can't have it both"

Updated: Feb 22, 2022



Entering the third trimester is scary for many people. For me it was not about being scared of giving birth or having my life turned upside-down. It was about my work. I have always been a person, who liked to study hard to stay on top of the class, a person who likes to work hard to progress in her career with a dream to eventually get to the C-level.


I live in a place, where many women, after giving birth take a step back in their careers and primarily focus on being moms. I have seen it before I was pregnant but it has never occurred to me that there would be this social pressure to follow the stigma. More and more I started to hear that 'once the baby comes, it will stop your career for a couple of years'. And the frustrating part of it was that they all seemed to be okay with it!


I don't have to say that it's year 2022 but I will say it. It's year 2022 and women shouldn't have to choose between having a career or having a family (Sheryl Sandberg would agree) and definitely should not be okay if force to choose between them. I understand that there might be some biological changes and priorities may shift, but what applies to one does not apply to another.


As a mom-to-be to a daughter, it is in my hands to ensure that my children won't have to go through the same frustration I have been now experiencing. It is in our hands to establish equal households, where both partners take care of their children and where it is not only mom giving up on her dreams. Of course, there are moms that prefer to be stay-at-home moms or take the foot of the gas at work. And that is okay too. But we should all have the choice to decide what is better for us, without being judged and without being put under the same bag.


The whole thing of leaving work for a few months is scary anyways for those, to whom career means a lot. Imagine building yourself up for something your whole life and then suddenly needing to put that on hold. The more I spoke with my friends around, the lonelier I became cause I felt like no-one understands my points and everyone is just trying to justify and persuade me that it is okay to give up on my dreams for such a "good cause".


I do not agree and I don't think I ever will. We can be both exceptional mothers and ambitious workers progressing in their daily jobs at the same time. We might need to give up on some material stuff in order to afford the day care or babysitters but we shouldn't feel guilty and we shouldn't need to give up on our careers.


I want my daughter to see her mom as a strong, capable woman who is not afraid and does not fold under the pressure of society. I want her to see that where there is a will, there is a way and that both her mom and her dad are there for her. I want her to know, that one day when a guy comes to her life and tells her that she will need to give up on her career in order for them to start a family, she will know that it is okay to show him where the door are. Unless, she decides to be a stay-at-home mom.


We should all be able to make our own choices and we should all talk about this with our partners cause they play a big role in the way how women are and will be treated at work-places and in our communities around-the-world.

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